trembling but roaring


Dear [ insert your name here ]

DEAR [ anyone: lost in the sea of self-hate, doubt, struggling to find worth in themselves, fighting against the dark, lost sight of life ],

FIRST, can I take a moment to say that life is ugly? I think we can all agree on that truth, right? Life is as ugly as the hell that burns below. It is a high and tormenting fire, it is overflowing with death, chaos, loved ones gushing out lies, panic, destruction, broken bones, misconceptions, lost jobs, lost loves, lost lives. Evil, lurking, everywhere you turn. Shadows keep watch behind you, in front of you, inside of you.
This is life.

NOW, can I just make another, and very important, point? Because the fact is, as messy and ugly as life can be, it is also beautiful. Plainly, simply, beautiful.
adjective │ Wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; excellent of its kind. 
LIFE is beautiful. It offers us the chance to dream big dreams, to love so deeply the ocean becomes jealous, to love simply, to forgive and let go, to soar great heights, to dive haunting depths, to face fears of every size, to conquer challenges, to experience the connections of souls. Use the time you have to notice the excellence of every heartbeat and cloud and leaf and breeze and raindrop and rose and dandelion and human and soul and laugh and sob and hug and language and film and flavor and kiss and kitten and friend and color and sound. Enjoy it all, every second of it. Remind yourself that existing is beautiful. Write life is beautiful! on neon sticky notes and paste them all over your bedroom walls, desk, mirror, chair, bed frame; schedule pop-up reminders on your phone letting you know that every breath you harbor in your lungs and gracefully release into the wild blue of the invisible is beautiful and worth the pain; hike up a mountain, feel the ache in your bones, and yell at the top of your lungs this life is so worth living! because it is and every living and inanimate thing should know.

LIFE is made of light and dark. It will take you to high places, and it will knock you down, battered, bruised, with your face in the mud. You will be pounded, blow after blow after blow, blood trickling down your temple, and you will heal. You will grow stronger, taller. You will tuck this experience under the belt secured around your waist. You will encourage others, when they ask about the stories behind your scars, that you are living proof that every single person is strong enough and brave enough to fight and win the many fights they have/will face against mind/body/world.

AND, baby, you are going to need to fight for your dreams. Dream big, dream LOUD, and fight strategically, fight hard. Remember, whenever darkness hits in any form, your words stand as your sword, swing them swiftly. Remember, you have two hands, learn to wield them effectively. Your dreams are worth the fight it will take to bring them to reality. Do what you have to. If someone tears you down because of your soul-dream, cut them out of your life as soon as you can, don't apologize. You do not need to give them a reason why. If they refuse to support you, they aren't worth your energy. Find people that support you. Befriend people with the same infectious smile, and brighten up the world together. If you love someone, let them know. Let them know now. Remember that mental illness is a flaw in chemistry, not a flaw in character, this darkness will end. Do what scares you, but within reason. If you're lost, seek help. Find your Northern Star and keep on 'til the golden morning light warms your skin. Learn the difference between healthy fear and crippling anxiety. Try new things, meet new people, speak love, speak life, be the person you needed to breathe life into your suffocating heart when you were younger. Remember, your worth does not lie in words. You exist, you are living, you are loved.
Let me say that again: you are loved.
LIFE is hard. 
Life sucks sometimes. 
Life is ugly.
Life is messy. 
Life can be hellish. 
But if there is hell, there has to be heaven.
With dark, comes light.
Every torrential downpour has to end.
With rain comes sunshine comes growth come recovery.
Keep fighting, wildflower. 
You will thrive.

With love.


  1. this made my heart swell.
    i just love this so freaking much, man.

  2. (I've sat here for 2 minutes trying to think of a comment good enough to leave on this post.) Thank you for this, Gracie, it means a lot to me. Especially right now. Don't ever, ever stop writing.

  3. I've been following your blog for a while, I don't even remember how I found it. But the beauty and rawness of your words made me follow it instantly. This post is old, but I stumbled across it after seeing your latest. It went straight to my heart, and I have been re-reading it so much in the past few days. Just wanted to let you know how much an old post can help and uplift a stranger who needs it very much. Thank you, thank you. You are an incredibly talented writer and I applaud you for saying hard and healing things in all your posts. :)