trembling but roaring
Showing posts with label note to self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label note to self. Show all posts

1.2.17

x x x


 

 and in the dark of night we will plant a stake
in concrete rubble and ashes
proclaiming FEAR HAS NO PLACE HERE.

stating our name as I HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR

and I WILL GO ON

because this dark, it's not going to take us over.
we are going to wield the shadows
and turn lungs-searching-for-air, confused minds,
into battle cries
of HOPE 
    and LIFE.

this night isn't the end, friend.
this is the starting line.


1.11.16

the practice of giving thanks




the practice of giving thanks for each
breath
is a habit both hard and simple
it first takes noticing each
inhale and exhale
feeling lungs expand
leaves tremble
it's a skill formed after time and time again
most refined when lost, then found again

be sure to practice, both thanks, and giving

(thank You for this chest and heart and breath and feeling)

31.8.16

we won't give up on hope, on life

it's so easy to let the weight on our shoulders weigh down our hope,
to let the shadows blow out the lights in our eyes;
it's faster to fade into dark hollow islands
than to stay out in the sunshine
where the air is warm, breeze - gentle, cool -
and hands held up high together;
staying together is hard, filling lungs with air, even harder,
but i want you to know a little secret -
we're not going to give up on hope.
we won't allow that to happen -
ever;
hope will win this battle.
we just have to remain conscious to celebrate with eyes wide open
and hearts deep screaming joy.
stay with us. stay with me.
don't give up this fight.

18.4.16

secret / garden / listen

someday all you're broken pieces will be put back together and there won't be a hint of pain in your heart and your scars will fade and you won't be able to contain all your joy and your soul will overflow with an abundance of life and through storm or sunshine you will learn how to thrive but until then you gotta keep pressing on and pressing on and pressing on and pressing on and fighting and learning and listening and falling and breaking so that the light can shine through your cracked skin into the secret garden nesting in your chest, so that gentle raindrops can dance with the parched ground, so that you can finally bloom when spring rolls around; listen: can you hear that? that's the sound of birds singing a love song to you, that's the sunlight waltzing through the canopy trees, that's your heart beating again.


26.7.14

some notes to myself

i. Don't worry. You will find yourself again someday.
ii. Fight for your dreams. Fight hard, honey. Use your hands, use your soul, move swiftly.
iii. Use your words wisely. Give your YES only to things that
excite you and to people that bring out your brave.
iv. "Please hear me, Girl: The world has enough women who know how to do their hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things." [ Ann Voskamp ]
v. Babe, learn to say NO, it's healthy.
vi. Breathe. In. Breathe. Out. Breathe. In. Breathe. Out.
vii. Your heart is still pumping all that blood through your veins which means you are alive which means you have yet to fulfill some kind of purpose which might be big or it might be small but that should be more than enough reason to  hold your head high every morning through evening and stare life straight on and proclaim yourself as a living, breathing threat to all bad and lover of good films and obscure music and lovely people and deep conversations and if you learn to invest all of your blood, sweat, and soul into whatever you put your mind to you then get this: failure can't grasp you.

if nothing else, take a warm bubble bath, listen, and relax.

22.4.14

one / two / three / four

1. your body is beautiful. don't listen to what society is telling you. don't listen to the negative words society is stuffing into your mind. look in the mirror and point out all of the good - your contagious smile, your imperfectly perfect not-quite-straight teeth, the thirty-three freckles on your nose and cheeks, your lovely brown eyes, your thick lashes, your cute nose. your naturally curly hair that seems to embody the wild spirit you wish you had the courage to show (go ahead and show it, honey; be wild), the curve of your hips, your sun-kissed shoulders, the gentle curve of your back. your body is lovely. your body is perfect the way it is. you are not a collection of numbers or a dress size. you are the quiet giggle and bright soul, the summer sun and newly fallen snow. you are a fierce warrior and compassionate friend. doll, you are gorgeous in your skin.

2. no soul was meant to be stuffed in a box. if you find yourself, all of your personality, trapped inside four invisible walls with seemingly no way out, think positive thoughts and climb out. it's going to hurt - oh, will it hurt - and the journey up and out will be hard, but you were not meant to be who the box forces you to be. you are capable of being exactly who you want to be. truly. you want to be bolder? step out and say what you want, wear what you want, forget about the world around you and be more bold. you want to be wild and free? you take up the keys, pick up a friend, and go exploring a couple towns over. go get lost in ikea. make friends at the farmers market. you have the power to get up and change your life, and if you want to, you do it. change is good. changing to get out of the stupid box you/your peers put you in is even better.

3. if you're feeling angry or upset or anything other than joy, if you feeling like giving up on everything and not being nice to yourself: go outside, take a great deep breath, maybe scream a little, and tear up some roots. literally. forget whatever it is you are wearing, be it your sunday best or jammies or whatever, get down on your hands and knees and rip out some  dead roots, and if you're feeling really angry, rip some live ones too. feel the dirt get stuck between your fingernails, soft on your precious skin. channel your emotions into pulling up the ground. pay attention to the world, breathe in breathe out, rest your tired body on the tired earth.
breathe in breathe out.

4. you are super. no matter where you are - physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally - you have the power to move mountains, to get your act together, to change your position and find north again, to take a step away from what's hurting you and turn towards something positive, to find a new group of friends, to let go of bad influences. you can do it. quit saying you can't because saying you can't is stupid. false: you are not stupid. but in fact, you are smart. you are extraordinary. you are strong. got that, sweetie? you are strong. you've survived this long, and that is proof enough of your incredible strength.

some notes to myself.

11.2.14

breaking


sometimes, you have to take a hot shower
at 10:03pm and stand there,
bare, alone, maybe afraid, and cry.
let every emotion that has ever
wrecked you overwhelm you.
allow the burning water mix with your salty
tears on your young skin; let your sobs shake
your tired frame; let your mind stop
thinking, let your heart break, let
every mistake and fear that has
ever hurt your heart swirl
down the drain. kneel,
stay there for a while.
sob. shake. break.
breathe.

28.1.14

solving world problems with a little bit of breathing

there will come a time when everything will disappear and no one will be left to remember what happened on this planet we call home, and our sun will die, and the galaxy will die, and everyone and everything will die. poof. gone. but that day, i don't think, is today. i hope it isn't today. but as we wait for that day of doom and death, destruction, we live. we press on, we are given breath. we walk, we talk, we dream and do.
this is me doing and dreaming.

i am not a master word-weaver like the brilliant minds that are john green, c.s. lewis, l.m. montgomery, john steinbeck, daniel handler, f. scott fitzgerald, mary oliver, etc. sometimes i try really hard to make something decent, or i put together some words that i think create a kind-of witty sentence. i try i try i try. but most of the time i fail. these words don't seem to work as well when they come from me. writing isn't my first love, it is not an area i am exactly gifted in. but still, i try. i am not lewis carroll, or j.r.r. tolkien, but still i hope that the words i do spill make some kind of difference to this world, a difference that nobody will remember but at the time helps to fuel them on to do something somewhat decent and fantastic and possibly world-changing.
this is me, stringing a series of letters together to try and change society and then dominate the world.

people tend to think i'm quiet, and i am. but there are two of me: grace and gracie. very similar, still different. if you call me gracie, you get gracie: quiet, simple, indecisive, no opinion, rarely speaks her mind. you call me grace, you get grace: quiet, occasionally obnoxious, indecisive, has an opinion and will defend it, is more open, will speak her mind. you get what you call. small talk kills all the million-and-one sides of me. sit me down in a room and survive for more than an hour and i will bounce off the walls and share my heart with you. my hopes and dreams will tumble out of my soul and into your ears if you can make it through an hour of sporadic awkward silences and attempts at conversation. if you ask me how i'm doing i will usually lie, unless you answer your question honestly when it double backs to you. how are you? i want to know. i am a really good listener, please dump your fears and hopes and loves and losses on me. i care.
this is me, gracie and grace.

this world might last for a very long time, but our individual lives are not eternal. let's not live like our bodies will last forever. create sometime that will change your world; cry really hard into your pillow for absolutely no reason other than to cry; go out and do something crazy or simple; write a letter to someone, a letter that will scare you; take a nap because naps are nice; take a walk around the park; make a bowl of ramen noodle soup and read a book or watch your favorite tv show or belt every song from your favorite cd until your voice is dead; start a new blog or revive that one you created when you were 12, because there are things that need to be said, and sometimes those words will stick in your throat but not the keys of your computer; live, because we're all going to cease to exist eventually and living can be fun if you make something of it.